Still having up and down waves of emotion. I imagine this will continue for some time. My brother likened it to a death, being with people for so long then suddenly cut off.
Today wasn't a bad day tho'. My manager had some more kind words for me today and asked me to not "check out" for the remainder of my time there because he needed me. I wouldn't do that of course.
I was also contacted by and spoke with a recruiter today and they would like to meet me in person on Monday. I think it might be too soon for that and I also am not sure I am right for the job, but I really do need to get "out there" and meet with people, have interviews and get back into the world of job hunting. So we are meeting and I am actually looking forward to it. I don't think they will want me (am I being too negative, too pessimistic?) but I am grateful they want to speak with me just the same!
On not being ready... the potential position requires a leadership mindset. I have not been a "leader" for the past nine years. I forget what it feels like. There was a time when I led but when I moved here, I was literally told that my role would be more or less subservient to leadership roles, and that is where I've been. So now I need to be prepared to change gears and show that I have the "oomph" and drive to BE a leader, but at the moment I am feeling (sorry for sharing feelings) sort of vulnerable and less certain of myself than I normally would. I think this too will change with time, but again I wonder, "am I ready?"
Well, we shall find out! :)
Friday, June 13, 2014
Why I am conservative
In reality I am probably not a perfect conservative and because of my libertarian leanings I might even be considered liberal in some ways. But there are reasons why I identify as conservative.
There is the idea "out there" that liberals are better at wanting to take care of the "little guy" that they care more about people in need than do conservatives. In reality liberalism (and I am sure you have heard this point of view before) distances people from those in need. Liberalism asserts that higher taxes that implement a plethora of programs to provide specific services to people in need is the right thing to do; they redistribute wealth among the masses. The government becomes the (again, I am sure you have heard this before) "nanny," taking care of people who lack work, health insurance, etc.
But how does this help the individual who backs this point of view? Basically what is happening is the person paying taxes is shirking his or her duty to their fellow man, by isolating themselves from being responsible for directly caring for them. In other words, "here, take my money and do with it as you see fit and I will go on with my current life."
Conservatism does not take that route. If you are conservative, you don't WANT the government taking care of these things and SHOULD understand that it is up to the individual to offer food, money, clothing, etc. to the people who need it. It demands that the conservative individual be aware of and involved in the state of people who are less fortunate than they are.
I do understand that it does not always work that way, but that is the theory behind it. Conservatives don't believe it is "every man for himself" and "raise yourself on the backs of others"... they believe in being fiscally responsible so they are not a burden to anyone else and where possible to share their OWN assets, whether that be time or money or goods, to assist those in need.
One person at a time may not make a huge difference, but many people can. Churches, activist groups, etc. who believe this can help many people, and the more that follow this ideal conservative mindset and act upon it increase this potential. This is personal. It's up close and personal. It allows for peoples lives to be touched, both the giver and the receiver.
This is one of the reasons conservatives are also often Christian, as our example was Jesus who healed, fed and simply interacted with people who were downtrodden, poor, hungry, ill, etc. There were times when Jesus made a special effort to physically touch people who were "unclean" (any respectable rabbi would have nothing to do with them) because, well, they needed to be touched, to know human contact and compassion.
Following the "take from the rich, give to the poor" model, unless it is specifically by a small band of merry men from the forest, does not offer this physical, emotional or personal contact. If I have to make an effort to save and then give my earnings to someone in need, if I volunteer to work at a soup kitchen or hand out water, I am personally involved. My heart has to be touched. If I just go about my business and don't even consider the fact that money is taken from me before I even see it, I have no stake in the state of the people it may or may not go to help. And the people who receive it get what? Money? No validation of their humanity, just money.
Anyway, I ramble a little, I apologize. This is why I am conservative.
There is the idea "out there" that liberals are better at wanting to take care of the "little guy" that they care more about people in need than do conservatives. In reality liberalism (and I am sure you have heard this point of view before) distances people from those in need. Liberalism asserts that higher taxes that implement a plethora of programs to provide specific services to people in need is the right thing to do; they redistribute wealth among the masses. The government becomes the (again, I am sure you have heard this before) "nanny," taking care of people who lack work, health insurance, etc.
But how does this help the individual who backs this point of view? Basically what is happening is the person paying taxes is shirking his or her duty to their fellow man, by isolating themselves from being responsible for directly caring for them. In other words, "here, take my money and do with it as you see fit and I will go on with my current life."
Conservatism does not take that route. If you are conservative, you don't WANT the government taking care of these things and SHOULD understand that it is up to the individual to offer food, money, clothing, etc. to the people who need it. It demands that the conservative individual be aware of and involved in the state of people who are less fortunate than they are.
I do understand that it does not always work that way, but that is the theory behind it. Conservatives don't believe it is "every man for himself" and "raise yourself on the backs of others"... they believe in being fiscally responsible so they are not a burden to anyone else and where possible to share their OWN assets, whether that be time or money or goods, to assist those in need.
One person at a time may not make a huge difference, but many people can. Churches, activist groups, etc. who believe this can help many people, and the more that follow this ideal conservative mindset and act upon it increase this potential. This is personal. It's up close and personal. It allows for peoples lives to be touched, both the giver and the receiver.
This is one of the reasons conservatives are also often Christian, as our example was Jesus who healed, fed and simply interacted with people who were downtrodden, poor, hungry, ill, etc. There were times when Jesus made a special effort to physically touch people who were "unclean" (any respectable rabbi would have nothing to do with them) because, well, they needed to be touched, to know human contact and compassion.
Following the "take from the rich, give to the poor" model, unless it is specifically by a small band of merry men from the forest, does not offer this physical, emotional or personal contact. If I have to make an effort to save and then give my earnings to someone in need, if I volunteer to work at a soup kitchen or hand out water, I am personally involved. My heart has to be touched. If I just go about my business and don't even consider the fact that money is taken from me before I even see it, I have no stake in the state of the people it may or may not go to help. And the people who receive it get what? Money? No validation of their humanity, just money.
Anyway, I ramble a little, I apologize. This is why I am conservative.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Day 2
Day 2 has started with co-workers beginning to drop me short messages wondering if what they heard was true. I was told to wait a day to inform people so today, after people started asking me, I sent out a LinkedIn message to the people at work I am connected with asking them to endorse me and or be willing to be a contact as a recommendation.
Sandi and I have begun the discussion of what in our budget will stay, what will go, or be trimmed. I spoke with my son again to reassure him that things will be alright, one way or another, and that if he had any questions or just wants to talk to me to please do so at any time.
In the meantime, I still am employed there (officially) and have some cleaning up to do, knowledge to transfer, etc.
Sandi and I have begun the discussion of what in our budget will stay, what will go, or be trimmed. I spoke with my son again to reassure him that things will be alright, one way or another, and that if he had any questions or just wants to talk to me to please do so at any time.
In the meantime, I still am employed there (officially) and have some cleaning up to do, knowledge to transfer, etc.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Today was a first for me!
Not necessarily a GOOD first, but a first nonetheless. I was informed at work that my position was going away and that I would be offered a package deal and my last day was in a couple of weeks.
I've never lost a job before... I've only left them for another job. This is an all-new sensation. Since it just happened I am in a sort of swirly state, almost a free-falling sensation.
My immediate thoughts were that I am letting my wife and children down... but I know it was nothing I DID specifically, that my job was lost because I was at it so long and made a good amount of money doing it. I was reassured that my performance was exceptional over my 14+ years but that the budget was tight and cuts had to be made.
My second thought was "alright, better start looking for another job, right now!" But that too I am reigning in because I am in no state of mind to do that, besides I should wait for the job services my package will provide.
I immediately started praying and sent out a message to church deacons and elders and asked them to pray for me (and for another long-term employee also being let go). They also began offering condolences and some offered sound advice to step back and take a deep breath. Church family is good.
At this moment in time I am feeling a lot of things, including helpless, old... but in all of that I am also trying to focus on God and be sure that I stop and think and look at what is important and what is cruft in my life. Soon enough I will be diving into the job search... for now I think I will do what people are recommending, that is take a step back, relax (well, TRY to relax) and give my worries over to God. That is not as easy as one might expect... as a man I want to fix things, I want to fix them myself. Giving my worries to God feels a little like handing over my own duties to someone else, almost lazy. I know that is far from the truth, but it is an illustration of the struggle I will have with such a simple, Christian tenant!
I shall update again soon.
I've never lost a job before... I've only left them for another job. This is an all-new sensation. Since it just happened I am in a sort of swirly state, almost a free-falling sensation.
My immediate thoughts were that I am letting my wife and children down... but I know it was nothing I DID specifically, that my job was lost because I was at it so long and made a good amount of money doing it. I was reassured that my performance was exceptional over my 14+ years but that the budget was tight and cuts had to be made.
My second thought was "alright, better start looking for another job, right now!" But that too I am reigning in because I am in no state of mind to do that, besides I should wait for the job services my package will provide.
I immediately started praying and sent out a message to church deacons and elders and asked them to pray for me (and for another long-term employee also being let go). They also began offering condolences and some offered sound advice to step back and take a deep breath. Church family is good.
At this moment in time I am feeling a lot of things, including helpless, old... but in all of that I am also trying to focus on God and be sure that I stop and think and look at what is important and what is cruft in my life. Soon enough I will be diving into the job search... for now I think I will do what people are recommending, that is take a step back, relax (well, TRY to relax) and give my worries over to God. That is not as easy as one might expect... as a man I want to fix things, I want to fix them myself. Giving my worries to God feels a little like handing over my own duties to someone else, almost lazy. I know that is far from the truth, but it is an illustration of the struggle I will have with such a simple, Christian tenant!
I shall update again soon.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
On Godzilla and Drivers
Saw the Godzilla movie and it was worth seeing, as I mentioned in a previous post. I think I will invest in the DVD when it is available and sit and watch it on the privacy of my computer... so I can stop and analyze each scene. :) I do want to go back and be able to compare elements of the movie with previous movies, especially the original which this really does hearken back to.
Onto drivers.
Not the automobile kind of drivers, but the computer type, more specifically graphics drivers. Most specifically the latest AMD video driver, 14.6.
I have been gleefully installing their drivers as they come out to take full advantage of my R9 270x graphic cards and/or my A10-7850K. This time I had problems from the start.
I performed the recommended uninstall of previous drivers followed by the install of the new driver[s]. The installation did not go smoothly, computer even crashed once. Started over again and the second time it went through.
I noticed weird things after that... including not being able to reboot or sleep my computer and have it waken properly. On reboot (not hard shutdown) my desktop would never come back, tho' the mouse was clearly visible. Similar issues befell sleep, tho' I have forgotten what they were (other issues blur the memory) as I have had graphical freezes, video driver stop/restarts, the black screen on reboot, etc.
I finally gave up and rolled back to 14.4 and all is once again sailing along smoothly.
So, it might have just been me, but be wary of the 14.6 AMD video driver. I think I will wait for the next version before attempting to upgrade again.
Onto drivers.
Not the automobile kind of drivers, but the computer type, more specifically graphics drivers. Most specifically the latest AMD video driver, 14.6.
I have been gleefully installing their drivers as they come out to take full advantage of my R9 270x graphic cards and/or my A10-7850K. This time I had problems from the start.
I performed the recommended uninstall of previous drivers followed by the install of the new driver[s]. The installation did not go smoothly, computer even crashed once. Started over again and the second time it went through.
I noticed weird things after that... including not being able to reboot or sleep my computer and have it waken properly. On reboot (not hard shutdown) my desktop would never come back, tho' the mouse was clearly visible. Similar issues befell sleep, tho' I have forgotten what they were (other issues blur the memory) as I have had graphical freezes, video driver stop/restarts, the black screen on reboot, etc.
I finally gave up and rolled back to 14.4 and all is once again sailing along smoothly.
So, it might have just been me, but be wary of the 14.6 AMD video driver. I think I will wait for the next version before attempting to upgrade again.
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